This could possibly be triggering of anxiety, depression or suicidal ideation because I mention all of these things later on.
This is a rant about some crap that recently happened to me, feel free to scroll on if you don’t want to read about it.
I recently had to cut someone out of my life completely for a number of reasons that I am not going to get into. I have no room in my life for people who grate away at my fragile state of sanity. If you can not be an adult and accept that there are consequences to your actions, malicious or not, you are gone. Permanently. End of discussion, do not try to start drama with me I will not acknowledge or engage you in it.
If you cause me to have panic attacks for a week FOR ANY REASON when I have to be mentally well enough to work with children you have reached my shit list. I do not care what you were trying to do if this is what you have achieved I can’t keep you in my life. I am not as strong as I pretend to be and I really have to focus to keep anxiety lion from chewing on my brain. I have many things to budget into my busy worrying schedule and if you are consuming all my brain space it is very taxing. There is no one, with the exception of close family members (chosen or bio, depending on the situation), who is worth my entire worry budget. Because if I go into deficit, I reach panic mode and can’t function. Or even worse I can start getting suicidal ideation if I am really running on empty and people are still making demands I don’t feel I can meet.
I have to be strong and realize when people are more of a liability than an asset to my sanity. I have cut more than one person out of my life for this reason and if I feel you are causing me harm I will walk away with no regrets. According to society or the excess of guilt that still gnaws at me sometimes, this may make me a bit of a bitch. So be it. I will be a bitch who survives.